Series 9 Episode 8    Yet another alternative
by AlbaxX
Summary: My first ever attempt at a fanfic...  Just my take on what could have happened at the end of 9.8. H/R fluffyness


**Hi everyone.. **

**Very first attempt at a fanfic :) And what better way to get started than with a bit of H/R fluff? Just my attempt at what I thought could have happened at the end of 9.8...**

**Grateful for all reviews... Thanks in advance for reading.**

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**Harry stood there for what felt like an eternity. So many emotions were washing over him that he felt numb to them all. Lucas had jumped. He couldn't believe it, he had been sure that this view of London was the last thing he would ever see, and all he could think about as he stood there sure he was about to be shot was Ruth, and the numerous things he should have said to her over the years. As he started to take it all in, relief surged through his veins like a drug, causing him to fall to his knees; the tears rolling down his cheeks.

The silence in the grid was overpowering. Ruth and Tariq sat waiting for any kind of news from the others, having barely spoken a word to each other since they were left alone. The tension was suddenly broken by the shrill ring of the telephone on Tariq's desk. "it's Beth" he stated, glancing at Ruth. He hit the speaker button and they both stared intently at it, waiting.

"The bomb's a fake." Beth's voice rang through the grid. "Nothing more than a diversion. He just wanted Harry."

Ruth's chest constricted as heartbreaking sobs erupted from her body. She had lost him, once and for all. She hadn't even tried to stop him. The memory of his last sentence rung in her ears. "It's my turn."

Tariq looked devastated. He knew not how to comfort his friend through the total devastation she was so obviously feeling. The tears were coming thick and fast from her red, puffy eyes, but he didn't know what to say for the best. The silence seemed to consume them as they stayed unmoving for what felt like forever.

She looked out over the London skyline, cursing herself for not saying all the things she should have said. She could only think of the way she had reprimanded him..

"it was unfair of you to love me" she had said. How she hated herself for that now. Ruth was at a loss as to what to do with herself. The grid was eerily quiet, she just had to escape it. She had sat there after Beth's phonecall and the light in his office seemed to keep drawing her eyes to it. A constant reminder that her cheeks would never again flush crimson when she caught him watching her intently from that room. Fresh grief surged through her as she struggled to breath. She wasn't even sure she wanted to, not sure if there was anything to live for anymore. She knew she would have to face everyone at some point but she was intent on delaying that moment for as long as possible. She couldn't face their sad pitying faces.

Just as that thought had crossed her mind she heard the roof door swing open. She stared ahead, not having the energy to tell the intruder to leave her alone.

"Ruth?"

Her heart skipped a beat and her knuckles turned white as her hands gripped the railing in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to turn in the direction of the voice she never thought she would hear again.

"Ruth." Harry repeated, edging towards her on the rooftop. She turned to face him, the shock etched on her pale features. She let out another sob as her brain struggled to register what her eyes were seeing.

"I thought you were dead." Such a stupid statement, but it was all she could manage. They were inches from each other, as close as they could be without touching.

"So did I." He replied.

"Lucas jumped. I thought he was going to shoot me.. But he jumped." Harry's voice faltered and he dropped his gaze, in an attempt to shield her from his tears.

Ruth reached forwards and touched his chest. She could feel his heart beating.

"I thought I'd lost you all over again," she stammered as she tried to take it all in.

"I didn't stop you. I left you to walk to your death, alone.."

"Ruth, I.."

"No, Harry, let me finish. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been so heartless but I just couldn't believe…. I still can't believe you gave away something like Albany just to protect me. I'm not worth that, Harry. How can I be? One life in exchange for thousands? No matter what you feel for me, I just can't believe you would make a decision like that."

"Ruth, listen.."

"No, Harry, you listen to me," she was even closer to him, and he could see anger now mixed with the hurt in her eyes.

"How can you expect me to live with this now? Waiting for the day when the Chinese decide to use this weapon? Knowing that when they do, the lives of millions will be affected just so that I can live? How can anyone deal with that?"

She turned her back on him, and walked over to the railing, silently breaking her heart.

"Ruth, Albany doesn't work, it never did." His hand was on her shoulder and he felt her stiffen at his words.

"It was just a blueprint for a weapon, but it never passed the research stage. The Russians got wind of it and it scared them. It's been used as a deterrent ever since, stopping Britain's enemies getting too close through fear that it would be used against them. I wasn't going to sacrifice you; your life for the sake of a faulty plan."

She turned to face him now, searching for the reassurance in his eyes that he was speaking the truth.

"But, Harry, why couldn't you have just told me that? When I think now about what I said…."

He grasped her hands in his, wanting to do something, anything to take away the pain he could see in her eyes.

"I wanted to Ruth, but I believed at the start I could save you as well as Albany, and I needed to protect its secret."

He could see her softening towards him, and he silently prayed this could be the end to their long, drawn-out charade of constantly walking on egg shells.

"Ruth I need to say all the things I should have said to you over the years. It was all I could think about when I was standing on that rooftop.. All the missed opportunities."

They held eye contact, Ruth's breathing becoming quicker by the second. God there were so many things she needed to say to him too.

"After you left me on that dock, I was like a zombie. I thought I would never see you again, and the fact that you had to leave to protect me only made it so much worse. I can't live without you Ruth, I need you in my life." She stared at him, not knowing if she could handle hearing all this or not.

"Then when you came back into my life in the worst possible way, I blew my chances all over again. I know you blame me for George, Ruth, but I promise you, had there been any other option, I would have taken it in an instant. All I want is for you to be happy."

She stood, shaking her head, trying to organise her thoughts into coherent sentences.

"Harry I don't blame you for George. I know you had no choice but I just feel so guilty. I led him into a life he didn't choose; I lied to him for almost 3 years and the worst of it all, is the grief I felt for him when he died was nothing compared to what I felt when I left you. What kind of person does that make me? I caused the total devastation of Nico's life; I left him without a father, and yet there's part of me that is so disgustingly happy that you are in my life again. I love you Harry. Always have."

Harry closed his eyes and exhaled a long, shaking breath. He had waited such a long time to hear her say that.

"I love you too, Ruth. More than you'll ever know."

She grabbed the lapels of his black coat and pulled herself up to him, close enough to smell his aftershave. It made her go weak at the knees, even after all these years. His lips met hers and he kissed her so gently it sent a shiver down her spine. She kissed him back fiercely, snaking her arms round his waist to draw him closer to her. She felt so safe there in his arms.

"Not a bad way to end what's probably our last meeting up here," he couldn't help the smile from creeping onto his face as he kissed her hair.

"What do you mean?" She asked, taken aback. "They can't fire you, surely. Not if Albany wasn't even real."

"I still gave away a state secret, though Ruth. In the eyes of the JIC, I'm a traitor." She looked at him, confused by the smile that still stretched across his face.

"But, what will you do? You've given your whole life to this service.. It _is _your life_." _

He contemplated his words before he spoke, showing her that he truly meant what he was about to say.

"No, Ruth." He kissed her again, softly. "You're my life. All I need is right here, in my arms."

-*The End*_-_

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